twenty eighteen = eleven

The following was originally posted on Facebook and reposted here, as is: 

FB feels like the proper forum for such announcements (disclamer, I feel a long autobiographical stream of consciousness statement about to happen, so expect poor grammar *wink*): As some of you are aware, the past few years in Portland have been both difficult and transformative for me. Somewhat like a microcosm of my entire life before pdx. As a young girl, I was so vibrant, I "laughed too much" my peers would say - and I had no problem looking at them like they were the weird ones. Then something changed and I became so self-conscious that I began to doubt my own self worth without even recognizing it. I became paranoid with an incredible lack of self worth. I needed a community, so I did what I thought I had to do to obtain one, minimize myself (subconsciously of course). I became somewhat aware of this as an early teen when someone told me point blank that I was a follower and decided in that moment to embark on a trek to change that, right before going into a school system that was extremely toxic for me. So as you might imagine, it was a relatively slow trek. I'd no idea why I was treated the way I was, but I started to get an inkling because of the way I was treated in high school by mainly my IB peers and certain actions/comments made about my intelligence including why I was accepted to Pomona College. I was determined to prove them wrong and prove my intelligence. I tried to ignore that BS as I moved onto college, but ignoring it only meant more internalization, really. Nonetheless, by my senior year, I'd finally been accepted by a group of my peers for just being myself. I'd never felt that way before, not even by my own family whom I'd considered my everything as a child. So I finally got a taste of what it meant to be a part of a community of folks who  actually wanted me to be a part of their community. It was a transformative experience for my self-esteem. It wasn't until I was 28 that a good friend of mine defined my whole childhood and adolescence for me: internalized oppression. Everything clicked. Yep, definitely. But you see, I still didn't really subjectify my experience, I wasn't ready yet, apparently. I had objectified my entire life in order to understand it, like watching a movie, although it happened to me, it didn't happen in me. I went on to finish my MA degree. By this time in my life, I was so bent on understanding the human condition, specifically the evolution of human consciousness, that I spent nearly all of my free time during my 20s investigating and researching this subject. My spirituality grew and I was finally content as a human being. It became easier for me to live on this planet because it was easier for me to leave it and sort of float above it, so to speak. Unfortunately, this made it even easier for me to objectify, aka. not subjectify, my own life experience in my physical body. So when I was made aware of my internalized oppression and how it was invisibly dictating my life, I decided that it was time to ground myself. However, I was distracted from it for another couple years while I was focusing on my MA degree and travelling. Then I got back to Portland and had to, yet again, enter the "real world". I started with a typical roommate situation and job at the City...super normal. Then, this job listing came up: Educational Equity Program Manager...hmmmm.....right up my ally....that was 2.5 years ago and I can say with honesty that it is not without it's trials and tribulations, but also that it is the best job that I've ever had. It woke me up. It grounded me in my own body and in this body's history. And I was finally able to subjectify my experience. And it was incredibly difficult and painful. I believe I may have scared off much of my community in the process, which added another layer of pain to my process. Realizing that I'd actually never in my life really been part of a community of people who I could speak freely to about my experience, whose experience I could actually relate to at a subjective level. And that never in my life had I given myself the grace to understand my own positionality in this world and how that can impact my journey through life, especially if I am unaware or ignorant of it and not grounded. Also, there is always an element of the unknown as well in that I cannot know for sure what someone else is thinking of me, or why I'm consistently stared at by strangers whether locally or globally. And because I let my internalized oppression run rampant, I consistently concluded the same reasons for this occurrence. But I have written all of this, publicly, to say that I am ready to let go of that need-to-know-why. I don't need to know, actually, at all. That is for those folks to know and figure out, not me. That's not to say that I'm done with my process and that I will never internalize again, for it is such an unconscious pattern of mine, that I am sure I have more work to do, and that is mine, I own it. And I will continue to be vulnerable and have humility in this process, and, when necessary, make known my insecurities. And I have many insecurities, especially where my relationships are concerned. That is all that I have ever wanted in this life, holistic relationships, community, acceptance, belonging. I have a feeling that is what most of us desire. I have a feeling that if on our death bed, we have accomplished this, then we will die as happy as can be. But I can only speak for myself really and I have a strong sense of knowing that is the case for me. Through this process,  especially more recently, I have ostracized myself and I have ostracized others and that is the antithesis of my overall goal in life, which is that everyone feels accepted and a deep sense of belonging in my presence, including myself of course. I am incredibly grateful to  e v e r y o n e  who has aided me in this journey, if you know me at all (so anyone reading this), you are one of those people. And I am grateful for you in my life, regardless of the nature of our encounter, whether stranger, acquaintance, friend, family or foe, you have been an important part of my life and will continue to be. You may not realize it, but you've been instructive in my coming to this point in my life, to this realization, to this liberation. I dedicate my spiritual growth to you, for these lessons will last long after this lifetime. I love you, every one of you. I am going to be more "selfish" moving forward, so that I can be more "selfless" (or rather, self-full) in my relationships with myself, with you all, and with everyone else. Authentic, I believe is the buzzword being used currently ;) I've never been a very popular person, maybe just in my eyes, nonetheless, I understand why, because I've rarely been authentic, they are always the popular ones, if you think about it, effortlessly so it would seem. Granted, it's not necessarily my desire to be "popular" - but indeed, it's only when I've been more authentic do I develop more meaningful and close relationships. My current partnership is a perfect case in point. And that is why it is helpful to know and understand my own experience, my own positionality in this world, my own context; of course in relation to the global social context as well as the universal context. And it's worth it to say, that I love myself as well. For getting through this, for doing the work, for facing myself and letting it bare, even though it is painful, it is equally liberating. So we are in an eleven year (2+0+1+8 = 11), the number of spiritual growth, awakening and ascendence. And I am ready for it. Happy New Year, may your 2018 be filled with an appropriate amount of challenge/growth that suit your needs/desires/dreams, and of course, all the love <3

What if the thing being we call God is Love?

What if the thing being we call God is Love?

What if the organizing being, power, principle, consciousness of the universe  this universe, is love?

What if the word “love” has such a social sentimental stigma that it’s not viewed in it’s equally true, scientific sentiments?

Do we need a new shiny, big, complex, scientific sounding word for love?

Would it make a difference?

Think about it really tho…

Not from a religious/spiritual “God is Love” perspective,

But from a scientific/mathematical God = Love perspective.

True is True = True, true?

Then should be True from both extremes,

From all angles.

Love can be measured by medical technology as brainwaves.

That the more “love” one feels, the higher the frequency of the brainwave.

Ok.

Further research shows when frequency of sound is raised, vibrations going through salt and/or water –

A.k.a. our terrestrial bodies –

The geometric shapes produced grow more complex.

What’s next?

Further studies show when higher frequency wave of light hit the body’s DNA, more codons are “unlocked” – so to speak.

Well how neat.

If a thing being vibrates and a high love frequency, it’s productions (thoughts, creativity, intelligence) are more complex;

Therefore, more highly evolved.

Therefore, it stands to reason most highly evolved thing being would be pure love consciousness.

This makes sense cognitively as well…

Think about it:

What other thing being could or would love so much as to let itself experiment with self-destruction?

Stray from perfection?

Rip itself apart?

Give so much love so as to allow for the free will

To hate and to kill?

Why is there fear?

The organizing energy in this universe must be love

Otherwise nothing would exist.

So simple,

Yet,

Still so complex.

God is Love

God = Love

Hello, I’m God, my name is Love.

Daddy Issues

My friend suggested that perhaps we humans are all suffering from daddy issues...we know who are mother is (thank you Pachamama), but not who are farther is, we argue over who He is, what form He takes on, where He went, if He's coming back. Good point, I think. But He's there, we just need to recognize, acknowledge and accept Him for who He is. Let Mother Earth nurture us, it is Her Devine Will, let Her imbue us with the intuitive knowledge of the One, the collective. Let Her support us is our evolutionary growth, biopsychosocialspiritually. But She cannot be present for us if we are constantly neglecting and abusing Her, and She will rid of us if we continue to do so, as Her energy must be spent on self reparation. For She cannot be the nurturer without first nurturing Her Self, it is of Her Self and through Her Self that she is able to do so in the first place, if She is destroyed, She will be unable to be our Mother at all...I call it the airplane rule. Nonetheless, She is so gracious that She will let us destroy this aspect of Her body if we can't help ourselves from learning the lessons that would follow. For She is not contained solely within Her body, just like ours, it is but a vehicle. And Farther Sun, as He is widely known, He may seem more distant, but His light reigns down and dawns us with life giving energy, the force, the power to animate, to express our beings, to be self aware, to love. Let Him nourish us, let Him fill us with His wisdom and His material knowledge of all time and space, of the individual, let Him give us the tools to be, to exist, it is His Devine Will. Let Him inspire thought and creation and action. He is there for us to receive in whatever form we wish, whatever form is helpful for us individually - perhaps that is why so many religions have been created to try to find him, because there are many ways to do so, there are many ways to express and to accept and to love and to live, and to be. Let our Mother and Father be there for us, as They always have been, to aid all life They created in and of Themselves throughout existence on their individual and collective journey towards greater awareness and more complex and intricate expressions of consciousness -towards the full recognition of the paradox of love.

Choose Your Vibration

After going back and forth with the idea of free will, I am content with the acceptance that it too, as everything else, is a paradox. That said, I have remembered that when one is aware of their current state of consciousness, they can actually use their will, freely and without inclination by the outside world but rather as an inner spark of inspiration from the Self, the I AM, to shift our perspective which has a direct effect on our emotion, mood or mental state. This has been scientifically proven to have an affect on our chemistry and biology and therefore physics; which makes sense considering the double slit experiment that tells us when the observer is present (in the literal and figurative sense) the outcome changes. And the vibration that one emits can be measured and has shown to increase in frequency when an individual chooses to perceive their environment as safe, secure and life perpetuating, thus demonstrating a physical effect of mental processes. In this sense, it is free will that is being used, because if we were to simply react based off of the conditions of our environment, without awareness of our environment and our reaction within it, then we would not be acting of our own free will, theoretically, but instead of the will of entropy. (Which one could also is also free will, but not in the way it is most commonly defined.) Think about it, there are endless possibilities at ever infinitely small moment and there are countless triggers to those opportunities, and when we are aware, we become aware of those opportunities, and we act within our free will to choose which opportunity to take part in. When we are not aware of our current state of consciousness, then we just kind of ride along, reacting instead of responding. So, in this sense, one could argue – which, perhaps I do – that one can only use their free will if they are aware of their current state of consciousness, and even then, it’s a fractal, and with at each degree of being, of evolution there is a need to reevaluate what freedom really means, and reconnect with new meanings, and what we make of them…

“To change your mood or mental state, change your vibrations.” ~ The Kybalion

“One may change his mental vibrations by an effort of will in the direction of deliberately fixing the attention upon a more desirable state. Will directs the attention, and attention changes the vibration. Cultivate the art of attention by means of the will and you have solved the secret of the mastery of moods and mental states. To destroy an undesirable right of mental vibration, put into operation the principle of polarity, and concentrate upon the opposite pole to that which you desire to suppress. Kill out the undesirable by changing its polarity. ” ~The Kybalion

What is a GMO?

Back up on my soap box...For those of you who may be slightly confused as to why GMOs have been getting so much hype. Honestly, I take the political stance and choose not to refer to them as GMOs, I call them GEOs, genetically engineered organisms. The truth is, genetic modification is a natural, evolutionary process that occurs with cross-pollination and adaptability of nature to new environments over time. However, genetic engineering occurs in a lab, human controlled, and involves the splicing of organisms that would most likely not occur through the the natural process of genetic modification, and especially not in such a short time span. 

Furthermore, I giant misnomer of GEOs is tha tthey are put in food to help creat more for human health and poverty reasons...FALSE!!! if this is done, it is certainly NOT the main reason. The main reason for GEOs??? You already know...$$$$$$$$$$$$$PROFIT$$$$$$$$$$$$$. GEOs allow agribusinesses to create foods that either pair with a specific chemical herbicide (conveniently made by the same company that does the slicing....Monsanto/RoundUp) on a bio-chemical level so that they can produce more (usually waaaay too much), or contain a pesticide that bursts the cells of the gut of insects when they eat the plant...and this is all done in hopes of selling more. Not to mention that the five cash crops, which are ALL genetically engineered (corn, wheat, rice, soy, cotton) are heavily subsidized by the U.S. government, meaning that companies actually get paid to make it, not just sell it, so their profit is through the roof; and in the meantime there are silos upon silos filled to the brim with unused product.

Scientists say that genetically engineered  pesticide food only ruptures the cells of small insects. These are accredited scientists right? Because even I know that there is no real difference between the cells that make up a human body and the cells that make up an insect body. They all act the same, they are all cells. Children are coming into the doctor's office with a syndrome called "leaky gut." It is a condition where food is escaping their stomachs because there are holes, actual holes, in the stomach lining and food is going through these holes into the bloodstream...whole  pieces of food!!!! The body thinks that something is attacking it and develops an allergy to protect itself so that its patron will not eat that food again.. Now kids are devleoping allergies to EVERY FOOD GROUP! Helloo??!! This makes NO sense. We've been eating this food for our ENTIRE human history, why would the body suddenly think our food is attacking it?

Sorry to break it to ya guys, but genetic engineering is not performed for better health benefits and/or to alleviate poverty an hunger. Those are not the true goals, if anything, they are secondary. In a capitalist, neoliberal society, profit is the goal, plain and simple.

I know I am very passionate about this subject, it makes me extremely emotional when I see giant corporations use their power and money to feed the public with misinformation so that they will be more profitable, its crazy, literally crazy; and they are hurting themselves as well. Those of you who were scared off from saying 'yes on I-92' because the entities who wanted you to vote 'no' - major food corporations and agribusinesses such as Monsanto, Kraft, etc. - told you that the food prices would rise...the thing is, the hidden costs from being misinformed and continuing to eat GEOs will be much much higher in the long run. As your health and well-being are affected, the medical bills will only increase.

...look below the surface...consciously connect the dots...

Help Us End Ignorance!

Hey...so I'm getting up on my soap box for a moment...I took this picture today at Safeway...look at the sponsor brands...these brands view food as a commodity, to be sold for profit as a good and service, not as a basic human need...out is a privilege, they will say, that or food is grown for is and conveniently put in the store to buy....and there is definitely truth in that, but the food system is all fucked up guys, we can no longer save and plant our own seed then sell the crop , we have to register the seeds and prices are so ridiculous only mega companies can afford it, making food selection and choice if production, especially in our integrated social system actually quite small (its not like we're all living in small villages with a barter system, even if you live in a rural area of the US, you are still intrinsically connected to the rest if the nation and world, especially politically and economically) ...the irony is that these companies make a shit ton of profit on selling these food products (its one of the most profitable/lucrative/powerful businesses out there - agribusiness and food manufacturing...everyone needs to eat!) and they produce some of the cheapest food you can buy. Not to mention that people who are eating this food on the regular have been conditioned into thinking it's good for them and most likely do not buy organic foods that are also more expensive (this is not meant to be offensive, if you have an emotional response, look into it, thoroughly). So basically, these companies are telling the least informed and least economically viable food consumers to spend more of their hard earned money on cheep food products (that food corps will make a giant profit off of) and give it away for free to people who have no food or money. I understand that some food is better than no food, and I'm all about charitable acts, but why aren't these incredibly profitable corporations just giving away their cheap food themselves? ..The question is rhetorical, we all know why, $$$$$$...to the corporation it is more important that feeding starving people (the corporation= legal person, not necessarily the people working for the corporation, as confusing as that is)....so why not sponsor an activity that will encourage people to buy their food and then give it away...genius! ........ look below the surface, consciously connect the dots... by the way.. these are the entities that poured money into "no on I-92" in Oregon in November, 2014.

Synchronicity

What is the difference between synchronicity and coincidence? Simply put, the former is a conscious recognition of the coming together of events that allow us to become aware of our life path and journey, while the latter is an absence of that same conscious recognition. Through the conscious recognition of synchronicity, we can reflect and recognize the natural lessons that life gives us, that which we miss out of if and when we choose to simply categorize such occurrences as coincidence. In this regard, synchronicities are empowering, while coincidences are disempowering. That is not to say that the former is good or right while the latter is bad or wrong (or vise versa), for there is no judgement in the process, it simply is what we make it to be.

I have arrived in Cumbaya, Ecuador, where I will be staying for the next two months. I live in a house that has an incredible loving energy, with a family who has manifested that energy. I just had a discussion with the mother who has been drawn to natural medicines, ancient cultures and the knowledge that they hold, who recognizes the interconnection of all things and who acknowledges that in order to thrive, balance is fundamental. We have been attracted to each other, not just her and I, but the family and all those who stay at their house. The law of attraction is the MO of synchronicities, it is a conscious path. This is no coincidence in my mind.

There is a reason that 3 is a divine number. For, it is the first geometric shape that strikes a balance between two polar opposites. If you consider the two extremes of infinity - the middle point - the third point, is always where the balance is held. Our body can thus be seen as a physical manifestation of the balance we create between those two polar infinities, the infinitely big and the infinitely small. The former of which is that which expands outside of our bodies, while the later of which is that which contracts within our bodies. It is this interplay between the two polar infinities that creates all of life as we know it. This is what the ancient symbol of the tetrahedron (in its 2D simplistic form) represents, this is why it is one of the most important symbols for cultures all over this Earth, this is why it has been perpetuated throughout time and continues to be so. Simply put, it is the structure upon which all life as we know it is built or manifested.

It is only more sychronistic that the word synchronicity not only refers to the occurrences mentioned above, but also to harmonic sound, or that which is in sync. It is when our life is in sync, in harmony, in balance, that we are at our happiest, healthiest and most euphoric state of being.

Our vibration matters. There are instruments that have documented the vibration that is created by someone who lives is a stressed, fear state as opposed to someone who lives in a peaceful, love state. Those instruments have shown that the vibration, or rather wavelength, of fear is long, while on the other hand the wavelength of love is short. Therefore, if we consider that the fear vibration that moves through our bodies and literally hits points on our DNA, it would in effect unlock significantly less codons than would a love vibration which would, in turn, hit more points on our DNA and thus unlock significantly more codons. I wonder what sort of human would thus be created if one were to vibrate at such a high love vibration, that of unconditional love, and unlock all 64 codons of our DNA? Why not find out? We know simply from feeling in love how empowered it makes us, while on the contrary, when we feel fearful how disempowered it makes us. Consider then the amount of power we have within us, and what we are choosing to do with it. Who are we choosing to give it to? Somewhat ironically, by not recognizing it is a choice, we are giving away even more of our power.

What do you think nature will choose? If nature is an evolving entity, do you think she can evolve if she is not in balance? We can simply look at the ecology of life to answer this question. When looked at in this life, it is clear that even as things "die" they give new life, they maintain balance, homeostasis, and allow for nature to continue to thrive. In this respect, even competition is seen as cooperation - an overarching agreement to maintain balance. Therefore, life is filled with sacrifice, but not in the morbid sense; rather in a way that acknowledges that death as we know it is only a perception. It is we humans who decide to give it dichotomous values - good/bad, right/wrong, positive/negative.

WE are conscious beings, at some point we must acknowledge that as life continues to perpetuate itself through the process we call evolution, our consciousness must also evolve. Human consciousness involves choice, being aware of choice, conscious choice. Therefore, we must consciously choose to evolve. In order to do that, we must reclaim, or rather, re-acknowledge our power. This means recognizing the connections, the synchronicities. This means acknowledging the simplicity of life as well as its complexities, and drawing a balance between them as manifested through our physical beings.

Emotions are literally bio-electro-chemical and thus physical interactions that take place within our bodies but are intrinsically connected that that which is happening outside of our physical bodies. Through our preceptors, we choose how to perceive our environment, this stimulates a process that releases chemicals into our bodies that literally determine how we feel. If we believe that we have no control over our perception of the environment, we are giving our power away. After all, it is we who perceive, others do not perceive for us, it is our bodies that have sensors that perceive our environment. So, in order to consciously evolve, we must choose to perceive in a way that releases chemicals in our bodies (endorphins) that make us feel good, in love, at our full potential, empowered. Thus vibrating at a higher, more harmonic frequency and co-creating the heaven in which we all wish to live. In other words, in order to live in sync, in harmony, in love with each other, we need to go through the same evolution that our very own cells have gone through in order to come together and cooperate to create multi-celled organisms that function as one, but at the level of human consciousness - as human beings in a body, a multi-celled organism, called humanity.